


stay with us (where will you go from here?)

by awesomems



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Gen, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:27:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24616816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awesomems/pseuds/awesomems
Summary: bucky walks away, and steve goes after him.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	stay with us (where will you go from here?)

**Author's Note:**

> the title is from "mudbira" by a-wa, and this was just something i wrote out inspired by that lyric (aka the first time i knew the title before the story was actually finished)

he makes sure the man ― no, steve is his name. he makes sure  _ steve _ is breathing, but then he walks away. he walks away from steve, the man who had so much faith in him, who was so sure there was still some piece of bucky, whoever that was, left in the winter soldier that he was willing to die if he was wrong. 

everything hydra put in his head, every artificial instinct they’d created is screaming at him to go back to them. what would he do? where would he go? he remembers nothing about this supposed life before hydra, and he knows everything about life as a weapon. his thoughts are so  _ loud _ , but he keeps going, away from hydra, away from steve, the avengers, and towards something new, something he doesn’t know.

he remains a ghost until he can at least grab a change of clothes, but, while he’s still in d.c., he stops by that captain america exhibit at the smithsonian, but everytime he looks at a museum label and tries to use it to jog his memory it’s like more details are locked in boxes in his mind to which the keys are long gone. 

he gets on a bus to atlanta, where he grabs a flight to madrid, but not before stealing a notebook from an airport gift shop. the first thing he stick in there is a old propaganda painting of captain america (steve) saluting while he looks off in the distance, included as a supplemental pamphlet from the museum. he writes down everything he knows about steve, who’s been a ghost in his memory since the beginning, always just out of reach. “what he knows” isn’t much at first, but it’s a start. 

he makes his path to bucharest as complicated as possible, only staying in each town for a few weeks at the most, all this to keep whoever’s on his tail ― hydra, or possibly steve ― from catching up. he tries doing what normal people do: he finds a place to live, he makes it a home. he buys groceries, he reads the newspaper. he gets by like everyone else, and he remembers. 

it’s not all clear, and it comes in waves, and never whole, but he remembers nevertheless. he remembers the good, from  _ before _ . he remembers the bad, a lot of it, and it haunts him. he tries living simply, but he’s paranoid his past will catch up with him. 

he wonders what things would be like if he didn’t leave, but he made a choice, and he has to follow through. 

∗

steve wakes up in a hospital bed, tired and achy. his thoughts are barely coherent, but the first thing he does is turn to where sam is sitting next to him reading and says, “on your left.” 

sam rolls his eyes but smiles. “how are you feeling, cap?” he doesn’t know how to answer that question. his eye is throbbing and his chest kinda hurts from almost drowning, but all of that is overshadowed by the fact that bucky was  _ there _ . he was right in front of him, and, yes, he almost killed him, but he  _ didn’t _ , and steve is wrecked. 

“he remembered me,” he answers, and it isn’t long before the tears are falling. “he remembered me, and he wouldn’t let me die. he had so many chances to kill me. i have to look for him.”

“it’s not gonna be easy. he pulled you from the river, but then he just vanished ―”

“i have to look for him.” 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are appreciated!


End file.
